


if it isn’t love

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Producer/Writer Liam, Rising Artist Zayn, the usual... two dumb boys don't realize they're in love......... until they're in too deep
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-28
Updated: 2015-09-28
Packaged: 2018-04-23 19:16:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4888840
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn sighs loudly to himself at the irony of ‘I’m not in love so don’t forget it, It’s just a silly phase I’m going through’. </p>
<p>or Zayn is an up-and-coming artist. Liam is an established writer/producer. Zayn has a crush that becomes not just a crush.</p>
            </blockquote>





	if it isn’t love

**Author's Note:**

> Shoutout to rnbziamduo on tumblr for making this post (http://rnbziamduo.tumblr.com/post/123842802270/someone-please-write-this-x) and bringing the idea to my attention and to liamszain on twitter for putting the pieces together originally (https://twitter.com/liamszain/status/619613557269921792). 
> 
> I’ve been watching Guardians of the Galaxy like twice a week since it came out and listening to its soundtrack a lot, so sorry for all the references if you’re not a fan (but not really). My writing style is pretty simple, very, very fluffy and barely angsty. I think this should be around 4 or 5 chapters, but I’ll be updating whenever I can so it may be a while before it’s done. I just really wanted to get this first part out. I'm also nwtpayne on Tumblr, follow me if you want to look at more Ziam-related content. Thanks and enjoy! 
> 
> The title of this fic comes from the song "If It Isn't Love" by New Edition.

_You awake? Get up… huge news…_

Zayn hasn’t even slept yet, but he won’t tell Harry that.

_yeah .. im up_

Zayn winces at ringtone that echos through his home and over the sound of his ipod playing ‘let’s get into trouble, you make it look good’. 

“Did you even sleep?” Harry asks, probably already knowing the answer 

“Yup,” Zayn lies.

“I sold another one of your pieces… The big red and blue one,” Harry says, hesitantly. 

Zayn continues brushing at the piece he’s working on. He stays quiet and waits for Harry to keep going.

“Zayn… I know you don’t care who we’ve sold it to or how much it’s been sold for… but it’s huge…”

The urgency in Harry’s voice makes Zayn put the brush down and stand up. The light from the sun reflects off the mirrors Zayn has collected for an upcoming piece he has in mind in the corner of the room. He hasn’t checked the time in so long. It’s probably around 8am or it could be the afternoon already, Zayn has no idea.  

“Huge?” Zayn almost whispers.

“Yeah,” Harry takes a long pause and lets out an exasperated laugh. “You know who David Bowie is right?”

 

-

 

Zayn has Harry find him the best architect and contractor in Los Angeles. In the next few days, the plans are underway. 

“I want it bigger with a lot of shelf storage and light. But comfortable, for my family… ya’know?,” Zayn knows he’s never been this demanding in his life, but he wants it to be _right_.

Paul just smiles and turns to note Zayn’s request. Zayn just sees him circling something rapidly. 

“Bigger. Shelf Storage. Light. Cozy. Got it,” Nick notes enthusiastically. “That funky blue tile on the wall over there too right?”  

Nick is a little dramatic... or just enthusiastic about design, but Zayn knows he is too about his art so he understands.

“Yeah. It’d be sick,” Zayn smiles.

He’s still nervous about redoing his house. He bought it in celebration after selling his 34th piece in the gallery, after he’d redone his family’s home and bought his Mum a new car. It’s a quiet neighborhood filled with huge homes. Not too far from the gallery or the only other place he seems to be going nowadays, Louis and Niall’s new apartment they moved into after Zayn moved out. Niall always cleans when he comes over. It’s nothing special to anyone except for him really. It’s messy and the walls are covered in his art. It's the first thing that’s really his and his alone and that’s enough to make Zayn almost happy. It’s just doesn’t feel right or exciting anymore. Zayn lays in bed when he finally gets tired in the early mornings and it’s cold. He knows there’s _something_ missing.

 

-

 

“Malik! Need help over there?” Zayn doesn’t have to turn around to know that it’s Liam.

Zayn’s arms are full. The blueprints to the kitchen and the bedroom are much bigger than expected and his new canvases are heavier than he thought. He lets out an awkward huff of a laugh because he’s sure he looks like an idiot.

“Yeah, mate… hurry before I drop all this shit.”

Liam is behind him quickly grabbing at the blueprints and two of the canvases. When Zayn finally unlocks the door after switching between the keys on his chain, Liam hides a laugh and follows Zayn inside to put the stuff on the dining room table.

“What’s this then?” Liam looks pointedly at Zayn and grabs at the blueprints.

“Recreating my home,” Zayn says dramatically, moving his arms gracefully, just like Nick had done when he told Zayn that they are “recreating his environment”. “Or whatever my architect says.”

Liam laughs loudly and Zayn has to remind himself, like he always does when he talks with Liam… _unattainable_. A _crush_.

Liam glances around at the mess Zayn calls home. “Why? It’s nice… it’s very _you_ yeah?” 

Zayn takes a deep breathe. _Unattainable_.  

“Yeah, it’s _me_. Just not warm enough anymore. Feels _empty_ … cold for the most part,” Zayn says, looking down at his scuffed boots and picking at the hole in his jeans, aching for a cigarette. "If that makes _any_ sense to you... nobody else seems to get it." 

When he looks up a moment later, Liam has soft look on his face.

“Not alone, mate. Happens to the best of us, I understand. Change is needed sometimes, yeah?,” Liam says slowly. He sticks his arm out and gently squeezes at Zayn’s forearm.

It’s hard for Zayn to look at Liam without admiring him really. The way his hair sits, looking professionally done. The pink of his lips. The soft brown eyes. The tan from the surfing, Zayn knows. The way the plaid stretches across his broad shoulders. The Hublot watch he was given when a song he wrote and produced for some boyband Zayn’s sisters love went platinum. The holes in his jeans that almost match Zayn’s. The sincerity and warmth in his voice every time they have their short but strangely meaningful conversations that always makes Zayn feel refreshed after. A _crush_.

Zayn just smiles at the response.

“See you late then? Gotta show me and Sophia around the ‘new’ place yeah?” Liam says, already backing up to leave. Yeah… _you and your girlfriend_ … _of course_ , Zayn thinks.

Zayn nods in his direction, “Yeah, for sure."

And when he settles in for the evening and begins working a piece he hasn’t finished yet, he turns on his music. Zayn sighs loudly to himself at the irony of ‘ _I’m not in love so don’t forget it, It’s just a silly phase I’m going through_ ’.  

 

-

 

“Proud of you, bro” 

Louis' eyes are bloodshot and Niall is snoring softly on the floor in front of them. Criminal Minds is playing at a low volume on the TV, but they aren’t really watching anymore. 

“Yeah?” Zayn arches an eyebrow at him, until he finds the strength within himself to lean and grab at the blunt on the table.

“Yeah.... goals being accomplished out here. You don’t get that?”

Louis narrows his eyes at Zayn, not in annoyance, in something much deeper than that.

Louis has of way of saying everything and nothing all at once. That’s probably what really brought the two of them together, Zayn thinks. That quiet, simple ability.

Zayn carelessly shrugs and deeply inhales the smoke into his lungs. He glances around the apartment. Most things the three of them bought together at the nearest thrift store for their old crappy apartment because they couldn’t afford much else after moving to Los Angeles, but they had made it a home. It’s all _new and different_ (and much nicer than their first place), but it still has pieces of Zayn on the worn out couch and the painted shelves. 

“Still feel,” Zayn pauses to shake his head. “I don’t know. Like something is happening to me, like some self discovery type of bullshit.”

Louis lets out a quiet laugh and grabs at Zayn’s wrist, “Something is _always_ happening with you. But we’ll be here… whenever you need us. Got it?”

Zayn knows that’s true. Louis doesn’t have to tell him again, but he always does anyway. 

“David _fucking_  Bowie,” Niall interrupts, stretching out across the layers of blankets underneath him. “Crazy.” 

Niall smiles up at Zayn from the floor. He hasn’t left the grin behind that reminds Zayn of being 15 again and meeting Louis and Niall in English class. And no matter how much Niall complains about having a “baby face”, Zayn secretly hopes he never loses it. 

Louis stands up quickly, stretching much more dramatically than Niall had, “Big night tonight, lads.”

Zayn and Niall groan simultaneously when they hear the beginning of  “Say You’ll Be There” and loudly talk over each other and the song with similar complaints at to why they _have_ to go out. 

...

Louis wasn’t joking.

It must’ve been a big night, Zayn figures, because he doesn’t remember any of it really. He wakes up sweating under a heap of blankets in Niall’s huge bed, with Niall radiating a massive amount of heat next to him.

_6:34am_

He slaps lightly at Niall’s face, who blinks awake slowly. 

“What do you want?” Niall mumbles.

“Gotta go, mate… Harry is coming over at 8 with that architect Nick to look over plans again… Tell Louis I’ve left?”

Niall just nods and turns the other way.

…

Zayn is lucky he grabbed Niall’s sunglasses on the way out because 1) he’s very hungover 2) he’s not used to being up this early (He is actually... but usually he's just about to fall asleep at this time) and 3) when he steps out of the taxi, Liam is jogging down the street, shirtless and waving at him. And Zayn’s not sure if the sweaty palms and the dry mouth are from being hungover or looking at the sweat glistening off of Liam’s chest. 

Liam jogs up to Zayn laughing lightly as he takes off his headphones.

“Long night?” Liam smiles widely, making Zayn feel like he’s the one who just went for a jog. 

“I think so,” Zayn coolly shrugs. “Don’t remember much of it. Made it home in one piece so I’m good.”

Liam giggles and Zayn wishes he’d just stop. Wishes he’d stop reminding him of being young and _in love_ with that girl.... being 16 and _heartbroken_. Wishes he’d stop reminding him of that _first crush_ he had on another boy in Grade 10. 

“Yeah, handsome and hungover as shit. How do you do it?” Liam says jokingly.

And if Zayn wants to _scream_ at Liam, he can’t be blamed. It’s all Liam fault.

“Just comes naturally to some of us, I guess,” Zayn gestures, pointing in between the two of them.

“Guess it does”, Liam replies coyly. “See ya later, mate.”

And if he’s being melodramatic for getting into bed and falling asleep again, listening to The Ronettes’ “Be My Baby”, then so be it.

...

He wakes up again to Harry calling him.

“Here. Forgot the keys. Sorry.”

Zayn groans and hangs up the phone, saying nothing back. He checks the time. They’re an hour late and they have green juices that Zayn scoffs at.

“Told you,” Harry grins at Nick and shoves a coffee into Zayn hands. “Not with the juicing.” 

Nick _tsks_ sarcastically and goes over to the dining room table, dropping his huge bag.

Zayn trusts Nick for some reason, so he sits in the living room with his coffee while Harry and Nick yell at each other about backsplash.

 

 -

 

Zayn doesn’t remember much about when Wahilya was born, but he remembers everything about when Safaa was born. All the women in his family packing into his small house in Bradford, talking loudly, eating a lot and pinching at his cheeks. He even remembers the first time he carried her. The sweaty palms, nervous from the thought of dropping her even though he’d been sitting down and perfectly capable of holding a baby. The light of the hospital room, reflecting off the eyes that look almost exactly like Doniya’s. The feeling in his chest, thinking of her being _another somebody_ he’d love forever.

“Doni, what is she saying?” Zayn can hear Safaa yelling something in the background. 

“She wants to come see you as soon as possible,” The door in the background slams. “Bossy thing now that she's going through puberty.”

“Yeah? I wonder where she gets  _that_ from.” 

“Shut up,” Doniya says nonchalantly, same as ever Zayn thinks, smiling to himself. “So are you ever coming home to visit? Or do we have to go to you?”

Zayn immediately remembers the terrible flights he had going home a few weeks ago, during the holidays.

“I can fly you guys out eventually. Maybe at the end of the summer?”

“So the end of August? Zayn...,” She takes a long pause. “That’s in like 7 months you know that right?”

Zayn already had his calendar up on his phone, glancing through what Harry has programmed into it, by the time she could end her sentence.

“Well I’m out of a house for like 3 months and I’m working too much now and I’ll be working all summer on a bunch of big stuff,” He can hear her angrily agreeing with him over the phone. “It’s the best I can do, Doni. I’ll talk to Harry about it.” 

She stays quiet while he looks more closely into August.

“Gonna whine about it now?” Zayn teases, knowing she can’t resist talking back at him. “May as well put Wahliya back on.”

“Whatever. You’re a jerk. But a successful and busy one” Doniya says, laughing at her own theatrics. “Gotta go. Baba is yelling for me.” 

“Yeah, yeah. Tell him I said hi. Love ya, ya brat.” 

“Yeah, yeah… Love ya."

 


End file.
